Tender Solitude
“Can I linger a while more? For I am so beautiful.” "Of course, you can. It is the best remedy for unstable times."
If you’ve woken early, just before the dawn breaks, you may have noticed how the darkest time of the night is immediately before dawn.
Dear friends, generous readers, retreatants, and treasured subscribers—old and new.
As you know, I do not live a ‘normal’ life. I imagine few of us do. I am on call for my twins day and night, navigating their care. Without my not-so-ordinary life, I might never have understood how darkness breaks, how the colors of a new day emerge, or how as the light comes it is both generous and soft. It doesn’t arrive all at once but gently coaxes darkness away. It’s a wonder to sit quietly and watch the first light on the horizon waking the land, bringing color, presence, and power to nature, and renewed possibilities to the watchers.
A few days ago, I held Libby on my lap as the soft morning light rose over the horizon. She was awake but still, quiet, not moving, and looking somewhere else or other like she often does. I said to myself, ‘Libby is visiting with her angels again.’ Strangers might say, “She is staring into space.” Then I thought, ‘Maybe she was visiting with her soul in tender communion. I couldn’t know for sure as she doesn’t talk but transmits soul language.1 Did her soul come out to play?’
Winter’s long nights invite rest, hibernation—a release from the burden of doing. She draws us into the shelter of darkness. The night is the time of the soul. Darkness is like the cradle of the ancient womb. I imagine Libby like the rest of us in the darkness of winter, can receive precise benefits as the wild feminine draws us closer to her soul-place for tender solitude.
Tender solitude is to inhabit a space of aloneness.
The word ‘alone’ can represent two words—‘all’ and ‘one.’ To be ‘all one’ is to be wholly one—to be in oneness. Not through harsh discipline or isolating behaviors but in a tender way, a purposeful soft way. A whispering way to a sacred space set aside for quiet inner befriending—communion in the same way the dawn gently touches the dark.
The purpose of tender solitude is not passive but rather a way of listening to the inner self—to receive provisions from the soul-place—to solicit advice or guidance that is impossible to hear in a frazzled or busy state. In the dark of winter, we are much closer to intuitive knowing, we are gifted with deep darkness to linger. The skin between the unconscious and conscious mind wanes considerably. Memories, feelings, and sensations rise with little resistance. In tender solitude, we can gently sift through the accumulation of our days, inquire into them, assess, and wonder from our instinctive body, not from our rational minds:
What needs less? What needs more?
What has been unproductive? What siphons my vitality—my passion?
What brightness my spirit? What brings me joy?
My version of the practice of tender solitude can be summed up in three words: Simple, Intention, and Linger. SIL.
As simple as breathing, it may happen naturally or suddenly without a plan. Or you can be deliberate and set a time to be alone in tenderness. This is good, you’ll make minor adjustments, increase inner knowing, and possibly delete some or all media.
Hold an intention (a wish, a prayer, a desire) of stealing your attention away from the neon lights and the noise of the over culture. Fall back, fall down, fall into your inner habitat. Rest assured you have what it takes—Nothing.
Over the winter time, as you practice ‘all one,’ you’ll want to linger. Once you rest near the soul, breathing together, you’ll want this to continue—forever. You will say what I often hear at the end of a ceremony in the dark,
“Please, can I linger a while more? For I am so beautiful.”
“Of course you can. Enjoy yourself.”
Just for fun: Remember SIL, Ad an L, linger more, and a Y not, Silly?
The practice of tender solitude was gifted to me some time ago, incubated in dream time, and embodied through my lived experience with Libby and friends. Is Libby intentionally visiting the soul-place or angels, or has she Not forgotten that it is okay to look away, stare off, lose your grip, laugh out loud, call to sit on the lap of the great mother…
Call Her, She will come. Honor her, She will stay.
Choose your way to rest out of consensus reality—to wander in the woods—to remember why the caged woman dances.
I would love to hear your reflections on the Practice of Tender Solitude or you can let these words seep in as you rest down under.
Mostly, I want you to know how much I appreciate your 💚, readership, engagement, and precious time.
I’m tickled by my ‘men’s group plus one sister’
We’ve been meeting for ceremonies a few times a year like we did last weekend in the dark. Some may think I preserve my circles and retreats for women only. This is not true. I’m passionate about how the spirits of the plants support feminine consciousness—Love to emerge in all bodies. Deconstructing patriarchy is not in the business of hating men although patriarchs hate women. Patriarchy is a ‘power-over’ dynamic that fucks with everyone, it’s a lose-lose battle… (not going there right now.) Love rules—Love wins—Love lingers.
I received post-retreat messages from these awesome brave open-hearted men.
“Tucked into bed, big warm energy back home.”
“I’m inspired to write my dreams down.”
“I’ve been sitting in bed journaling for hours, I am so grateful.’
“Honoring my commitment of living from love, today and foreverrrrrr!”
“I found what I was looking for—or it found me.”
To those of you asking about upcoming ceremonies, retreats, and women’s courses.
The reconstruction of my website is moving in tandem with the reconstruction of my home life. We are building a strong foundation and team, with clear guidance from the slow incubation of my soul's dream life and tender solitude. Our new sanctuary is complete—yay to Evelio, Joel, and Alexia. Bookings for retreats in Vermont (May/June 2024); England (August 4 to 10, 2024); and local will open soon. An application process is required. If you can’t wait until we launch and want to reserve a space—send us a contact request.
I’m very excited to launch our new website offerings and appreciate your patience as we anchor home.
Sunday, December 29 is our first local Sacred Tobacco Ceremony for Women
Now open for bookings at our new sanctuary. If you are interested in attending and live out of town—we have space for a few overnight guests. See details here.
My essay is forthcoming: Tobacco: Remedy or Poison? To be revealed.
Clue: What I call Sacred Tobacco is wild tobacco, nicotina rustica understood by Tobaquero(a)s as a pharmacy of powerful wisdom and curative remedies. It has nothing to do with commerical cigerettes—nada!
Until next time, I leave you with two quotes from women who inspire this life:
"The ancient archetypes are a vast force—as if from a giant tree. The Tree of Life is a Great Mother symbol. Many fruits, ideas, and symbols tumble from her branches—for our health, longevity, learning, and a deep, creative life..."
— Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes
“For me, it was important to be alone; solitude was a prerequisite to being openly and joyfully susceptible and responsive to the world of leaves, light, birdsong, flowers, flowing water.”
—Mary Oliver
with love,
Prajna O’Hara, The Salty Crone
Leave a heart 💚 comment. Linger a while, for you are so beautiful.
Libby Joy is one of my twins. She was born three months premature, was resuscitated twice, and was in a semi-coma for the first six months of her life. She incurred a critical brain injury at birth that impacted all physiological functions. She can eat pureed food by mouth and eats with gusto. Otherwise, she is blind, without speech, or functional movement. And she is the happiest young woman I know. She has a contagious sense of humor. Sometimes, she fusses or pretends not to be able to sleep. As soon as I bring her into my bed, she is quiet for a moment and then busts out in laughter, as if to remind me of our soul contract, “I got you. Tonight we will dream together.” Read our heroine’s journey in Edge of Grace: Fierce Awakenings to Love.
A sanctuary! How exciting! Simple, Intentional, Linger. I love it! 💛 Winter is definitely a time for lingering in front of the fire and simple practices slowing down. I like to go to bed a little earlier and be SILLY in bed before nodding off to dreamland.
This is beautiful Prajna. Thank you for the gift, reminders, amplification.
I’m struggling a bit with so few hours of sunlight. It’s been severely cold and very windy where I am. But since walking in nature is my happy place, I bundle up and go anyways. Everything makes sense among the trees, plants, flowing river and mountains which feel like Mama’s warm, full breasts.
I’ve been noticing the last few days that it’s not be so easy for me to enter into true rest. I may appear to be resting on the outside but I can feel that “push” energy on the inside as a tension layer. The “push” to create, to offer, to accomplish, to be of use.
It’s all coming from my mind which has cellular resonance in my body, this the tension. I’m familiar with the pattern and haven’t felt this in quite a while. There is an underlying message that it’s not ok to rest, but I know this is old programming. I feel it most strongly when I’m caged up in the house, with little to no sunshine (full spectrum light helps some), as well as dancing and some gym time.
Anyways, just wanted to share how I’m feeling in this moment, without any over lay of words that are not in alignment with my actual experience.
Just really having a shitty day…thanks for witnessing and supporting.
Love the tobacco offering and I hope there is a wonderful group of local women who can join. It’s truly a sacred experience.
Much Love.