Welcome to the Cosmic Hospital

A Story of Unaddressed Tremors to Transformational Healing

Jul 23, 2024

I am passionate about every step that leads to a transformational limpia, not because I do them—I don’t. My job is to set up a ‘cosmic hospital,’ prepare the participants, listen, mirror, and trust by getting out of the way. The spirits of the medicine and the group dynamic together perform surgical magic. Without a clear vision, sound guidance, skillful means, and proper preparation, we do not have a foundation to stand on—blossom from—own who we are—and be a medicine offering to this life.

Today, I tell a story about a participant (I will call Joe) who arrived at a recent retreat for mental health issues compounded by major shifts including a hefty move from Brooklyn to the mountains with his wife and two children to begin a farming business. He was surprised to encounter an unaddressed trauma buried in his body for twenty-six years that had caused uncontrollable tremors exacerbated by stress.

A flower touched by Grandfather Sun, I will call Joe. Photo credit: Prajna’s garden.

Before attending the retreat each participant completes an application for me to learn more about their overall health and life patterns. I need to discern if they are appropriate to work with plant medicine—not everyone is. There are contra-indications that I carefully screen for. Once a person is accepted they are given a preparation diet for body, mind, spirit, and soul to follow so they can settle into retreat and receive the utmost benefit.

The spirits of plant medicine begin to work on you as soon as you choose to attend and commit to healing, nourishing, and taking responsibility for your inner life and well-being (with plants). Your life will change mysteriously but in ways that prepare you for the healing and growth that unfolds in a safe retreat container.

It is beneficial to empty yourself of toxic substances and environments as much as possible to arrive in a space ready to receive the sacraments of the plant spirits. As soon as you make the commitment to step into this sacred practice, our master plant teachers and the powerful dynamics of retreat begin to attend to you.
Let your system slow down, turn inward, and relax. Listen to your body—eat lots of wholesome fresh foods, engage in gentle exercise like yoga or walks in nature, allow your senses to rest, pay attention to your dreams, clarify your intention, and attend to personal and professional matters before arriving to retreat.

The why will be shown in the deep waters of retreat. You will appreciate proper preparation to land home to the feminine feeling function of your authentic self—who you are without inhibitions.

The purpose of the shamanic dieta (which involves avoiding flavorful foods, salt, sugar, spices, highly processed foods, medication, recreational drugs like alcohol, etc., as well as sexual and social stimulation) is to sensitize oneself to the plant spirits.

On this retreat, I was impressed with how well-prepared everyone in the group was. It enhanced a ‘felt sense of safety’ to go deep into the exercises—to journey within—travel unknown terrain with full permission to see fragmented parts, listen kindly, receive the medicines, witness each other, and embody greater ease and balance to live an integrated, vibrant, heartfelt life.

Once the participants arrive, are settled, and are orientated to the spaces and our schedule—we dive in. Early on retreat, we do a ‘deep listening exercise’ with a variation of the inquiry, “What do I dare to ache for?”

Deep Listening is a type of listening in which we are fully present like a still clear mirror, devoted to the person speaking, without adding anything on top of what is being said, not judging, analyzing, fixing, nodding, or commenting.
The speaker speaks from three levels: mind, heart, and root body for a few minutes at each level observing as we sense into the body. We pause between levels, close our eyes to notice the sensations in the body, and continue to sink, speak, and listen from a deeper place.
It is a powerful practice to be witnessed without judgement or commentary—in kindness—in safety—with soft eyes.

This question usually elicits all kinds of surprises that no one expects but are happy and relieved by the reveal. The retreat continues to activate heartfelt longings and regulate our social nervous systems. A bubble of safety gently holds the participants, and more opens, is revealed—witnessed, healed, and integrated—returned to wholeness.

On the third day, each person receives a curated limpia.

A limpia is a traditional cleansing ritual originating from various Indigenous cultures. The purpose of a limpia is to cleanse a person's body, mind, and spirit of negative energies, emotional blockages, or harmful influences.

The ritual typically involves the use of natural elements such as:

Herbs and plants: Sage, Tobacco, and San Pedro (wachuma) are commonly used for their purifying properties.
Smoke: Incense or copal is burned to cleanse the aura and environment.
Pusanga: Water infused with herbs, plants, or flowers like roses.
Prayers and chants: Spiritual invocations to ask for protection and healing.

A limpia is performed by a curandera (healer) like myself and varies in its specific procedures depending on the tradition, training, and unique needs of the person receiving the cleansing.

Master Plant Teacher Tobacco, is the most misused & misunderstood plant.

Joe wanted to deepen his relationship with Grandfather Tobacco (a plant spirit he had previously worked with) and be empowered to navigate tough times.

When Joe stepped to the center of our circle to receive his limpia his body trembled. After setting up the ritual, tracking Joe, and listening, I asked him,

If the trembling could speak, what does it say?

Amidst tears, stops, and starts, he related a story he feared to voice before now:

When I was twelve years old my brother and I were biking with my father. My dad crashed on a rock, flipped over the handlebars and broke his second vertebra. Me and my brother tried to resuscitate him. A man appeared from the fire access road, followed by a rescue squad. It was too late. He was pronounced dead.

I stood with him, coaching him through his breath with Peruvian smoke, another participant stood strong at his back. His clothes were drenched. His body shook rapidly as the ritual continued. I asked him if it would be okay if I invited his father into the ritual.

He said, “Yes, please.” His father came in the form of an older man from the group.

Is there anything you want your father to know?
Daddy, dearest, I love you. I love you so much. I miss you. I love you so much.…"

He continued to shake and sob through all the words he never got to say to his father for a timeless moment. The man who role-played his father and the participants in the room sobbed mightyly.

I too was wet with tears, as if looking through a time machine, seeing myself at age twelve desperate to hold and be held by my father,

Daddy, dearest, look at me, I need you. I love you. I miss you.

This is one example of many powerful limpias that transfer to each of us in a safely held circle. When one person heals a wounded part or completes a missed experience—everyone is touched with long-lasting benefits.

In that infinite moment, my father was not unreachable behind a newspaper or staggering out the door shouting obscenities and dragging his gout leg behind him. He looked at me with soft eyes, took me in, and loved me back.

Reportedly, this was the case in the wide range of ages and experiences spoken from the witnessing participants who basked in a deep sea of exquisite tenderness.

I watched Joe closely and noticed a radiant calm on his face, his body relaxed. I asked him, “How do you feel?”

After at least twenty years I am back in my body, my breath is deep, the tremoring is gone. I feel light, centered, grounded, and younger, like years have rinsed off me. I’m excited to see my family and to share this renewed joy.

I cherish Joe and all the participants—the Daddy Dearest from the retreats I have prepared for and facilitated for over two decades. They make me better, stronger, braver, honest, and excitedly pleased to be alive.

I never imagined working so intimately with men—Grandfather Tobacco made it so. I will tell you this story down the road.

Is there a Daddy Dearest story you want to share?

Is there something you want your father to know?

A time you stepped into a safe circle and were surprised by a healing that changed your life?

• Tell us in the comments.

• OR write a letter to your father, it doesn’t matter if he is tanked, dead, or alive.

• Give the words a voice on paper, send it or seal it, and notice what happens.